*Sleepless No.5 by sleeplessthemes.tumblr.com. Please don't remove credit!*/>
Today I went to work and had to work with him for an hour. I tried to mentally prepared myself for the awkwardness that would ensue. When I saw him, I felt no emotion. I was busy so I couldn’t say hi, but as soon as I got a moment, I went over and said hi with a hug I really needed. I wanted to hold on to him but knew I couldn’t so I promptly let go and walked away. He talked to me a little later about his car and how it wasn’t working. I was surprised how well I was taking everything but when I went to say bye, it hit me so hard. I couldn’t mask my emotions. I had so much I wanted to say but didn’t. I didn’t want to risk my progress or his. So I hugged him again and walked away. After the tears, I spoke to Caro and we decided on dinner at BWW. I had a beer and she had a mango lemonade with a cherry. Again, I vented but this time, I was able to talk about how him and I met. For the first time since last week, I had a genuine smile on my face. I laughed at love.
“Life is just a bowl of cherries, don’t take it serious, its mysterious. Life is just a bowl of cherries, so live and laugh, laugh at love, love a laugh, laugh and love.” - Bob Fosse
Today, I spent the day at work. I was expecting to see him but didn’t. I caved and texted him letting him know I wanted to say hi. Honestly, it was the best idea ever. I felt so much better after that. I went out to Friday’s and enjoyed a beer and a couple drinks with a friend with a good ear and great advice, Boozer. I finished my day with watching the first disc from season 1 of How I Met Your Mother with my sister and dog. I cried twice this day. A sleepover with sister and dog to end the day.
“It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, ‘See that girl? I’m gonna marry her someday.’” - future Ted from How I Met Your Mother
Today I spent the day with friends eating tacos, playing games, drinking Ssips and venting. I got to say everything I’ve wanted to say out loud. I was heard. All my feelings and reasons and emotions were let out. No input, no advice. They just listened.
I feel good.
“Promise me you’ll always remember you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” - Winnie the Pooh to his best friend Christopher Robin
…and it was.
While fixing up my room last week, I came across his t-shirt. I threw it on my bed so he could remember to take it home with him when he came over the next day. Well plans changed so he never came. Last night, I tried to get comfortable in my bed a felt a lump under the comforter and found this. Ironically, it’s a “Comfort Soft” t-shirt and I found comfort in it falling asleep and today while I let all my emotions out, it comforted me again. Eventually, I throw it out but for now, it’s useful.
“Do not measure your loss by itself; if you do, it will seem intolerable; but if you will take all human affairs into account you will find that some comfort is to be derived from them.” - St. Basil